The FEBRUARY April Harrison Friend of the Month award, and all the rights and privleges that go along with it, is given on this day, February 1st, to Mr. Brian "Skank Diggler" Newport, of Winston-Salem legend.


While most history books have us being introduced late in college by mutual friends (namely one Laura Jacovec and one Justin McIntyre), after extensive researching, we have discovered that we actually met much earlier, in utero in fact...yes, Brian and I are identical twins separated at birth. Well, identical except that I have more facial hair and he has a smaller...well, details schmetails.

Some of our common interests include a general TV/movie/music fanaticism with a special reservation for one of the greatest movies of all time - Ferris Bueller, performing topless Hail Mary's as retribution for our sins, writing suggestive emails, playing solitaire and brainstorming on possible answers to what exactly Meatloaf was referring to when he sang "I'd do anything for love, but I won't do THAT."

Some of Brian's hobbies include stalking Brittney Spears, songwriting with only salacious motivations, preaching biblical quotes taken from the Newp Testament, rescuing baked goods from a certain death, squirting phlebotimists for blood money, daydreaming of Darth Vader, comparing and contrasting the Joey Lawrence and Keanu Reeves "whoa" inflection intricisies and finding the perfect tension and torque on his nipple clamps.

Brian, who likes his beer cold and his women hot, won this award for many reasons. To begin, he neared a perfect 10 in the application process by correctly submitting that I was enticing, fascinating, fun, gorgeous, hot, intelligent, sexy AND thrilling, that I was so cool and that he thinks about me 10+ times a day (while suggesting the need for an 'Every waking moment' option which I will be adding on for future submissions). Brian also had an application submitted on his behalf from his good friends Bono, The Edge, Larry and Adam of U2, which, while not required for this application process, never hurts. In a similar vein, Brian is receiving numerous bonus points for agreeing to attend the U2 Elevation Tour 2001 in Charlotte, NC on March 29th. Plus, with the numerous checks Brian has written me for services rendered, not one has ever bounced. Finally, Brian is man enough to admit a bit of verclemption after Wilson floated away in Cast Away and when Andy Richter won the staring contest in his last Late Night with Conan appearence. What a man.

Because February is only 28 days, I thought this month's winner needed some extra 'oompf' to aleviate the sting of being my Friend of the Month for the shortest month of the year. Therefore, besides being April Harrison's Friend of the Month, Brian has the distinguished honor of receiving two other simultaneous awards: A.) the I've Been Friends With April For the Least Amount of Time Compared To All Her Other Friends, Yet Still Won the April Harrison Friend of the Month Award award and B.) the highly coveted April Harrison's Valentine of 2001. Word.

Click here to see pictures of Brian and I having fun.

Congrats, Brian, on all of your success. Don't let it go to your head.